Friday, July 15, 2005

A sketch (do I need to say more it's a sketch)

This is actually a scene I wrote for a TV show Jeremy and I created. The show is called Adventure Theater. The idea behind it was that each season would be like a serial from the old days. The first season was going to be a Flash Gordon type of character we called Captain Space. I've decided to change the scene so it fits a sketch show. Who knows, we might do it as a sketch on Weirdsville? I would love to keep it in Adventure Theater, but who knows. Tell me what you think of it.

THE MANCHURIAN DEBATE

By Jesse Handlon

INT. TOWN HALL-LOBBY-NIGHT

We see TODD LOFTIS, the newest reporter on our newscast. He has a bunch of media people moving behind him.

TODD: Hello, I'm Todd Loftis, and we are here tonight as the Town Hall Debate gets under way. We have two candidates, REPUBLICAN SENATOR JACKSON ORR and CURRENT PRESIDENT WILLIAM CARTER. We will be shortly joining the debate. As you know, this is a debate where the questions will be asked by journalists in the audience. We will be called upon and we will rise and we will ask the candidates questions...

Behind TODD we see a man in black carrying a suitcase with him. The camera goes to him. He is EAGLE, the world's most deadly assassin.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. DARK PARKING GARAGE-NIGHT

We see the Eagle standing in a shadow. A MAN (RALPH PEROT)walks up to him. He has a briefcase in his hand.

PEROT: Eagle?

EAGLE: Ralph Perot. This is the only time we will meet. We will never meet again after this. You will forget ever hearing my name.

PEROT: What did I do to offend you?

EAGLE: You've done nothing to offend me, it's just best for our safety if we never meet again.

PEROT: Sure, I've heard that from a bunch of people. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly? Do I smell really bad?

EAGLE: No, you're fine, you smell real good, and not ugly, although I would do something about the mole.

PEROT: This damn mole! How many friends have you cost me? I should just try to rip you off my face.

EAGLE: Look, you're fine. I mean, if I wasn't a hired assassin I would definitely hang out with you.

PEROT: Then why don't we set up a time we can get together and hang out?

EAGLE: Well, I don't know if that's the best idea...

PEROT: See, I knew you didn't like me!

EAGLE: Look, you're a wonderful fella and let's say we exchange phone numbers so we can have dinner sometime?

PEROT: Do you mean it? We can get together and have a boy's night out.

EAGLE: Yeah, why don't we do this business deal and than we'll exchange numbers?

PEROT: All right, here's your money. (hands over case and turns around) I expect both candidates shot and killed. Once they are dead I will be the next President of the United States.

He looks back to see Eagle gone.

PEROT (sadly): Oh, there's another potential friend gone.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-UNDER THE BLEACHERS-NIGHT

We see Eagle as he opens the case and begins to pull out all the pieces of the weapon. In the background we see chairs all nicely set up and 100's of reporters waiting for the debate.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-REPORTER SEATING-NIGHT

We center in on journalist Todd Loftis. Sitting next to him is JOHN DRAKE. John is writing rapidly, looking very important.

TOOD: The candidates are on there way out. We go now to moderator, JANE COURIC.

The camera moves over to show JANE COURIC sitting at a table by herself. She has a huge amount of comment cards in front of her.

JANE: Hello, and welcome to the third of five scheduled debates. We welcome tonight the two candidates. Hailing from the great state of Montana, and weighing in at 220 and a record of 44 and 0, we have Senator Jackson Orr.

Jackson Orr comes out and walks over to the podium. He waves very coldly and woodenly to the audience.

JANE: In the blue corner, weighing in at 187 with a record of 65 and 0, from the great state of Massachutes, we have Wildman William Carter.

William Carter walks out waving to the audience and stops at his podium.

JANE: Back stage we flipped a coin to see who would give the first opening statement and Senator Jackson Orr won. Senator Orr.

JACKSON: Thank you, Jane. My name is Jackson Orr.

A huge, long pause. Nothing is being said, there's a huge amount of dead air.

JANE: Then...

Jackson holds up his finger to stop her.

JACKSON: And I am a senator.

There is more silence.

JANE: Inspiring words, Senator Orr. President Carter.

CARTER (screaming): I should be President 'cause I have an ass! Look at my ass, it is a nice ass! Look at it!

Carter walks out from behind the podium and shows his ass off. He then walks back behind the podium.

JANE: Yes, very nice, President Carter.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-UNDER THE BLEACHERS-NIGHT

We see Eagle with the gun, but he has some how constructed it into a windchime. He sighs and starts to work on it again.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-REPORTER SEATING-NIGHT

We go to Jane who pulls up a comment card.

JANE: The first question goes to Todd Loftis of Weirdsville News.

Todd stands up with his microphone at the ready.

TODD: Yes, what are your plans to handle the budget deficit?

JANE: Senator Orr.

JACKSON: It isn't the government's responsibility to help the poor. If you're poor go rob the rich and you won't be poor. And the NRA is willing to help you with all your gun needs.

JANE: President Carter.

CARTER (still screaming): There's only one answer! Everyone in the United States should walk outside of their houses at the same time, raise their left legs, and fart! (long silence) Vote for me, I'm yelling!

JANE: Next question. John Drake, for the Pointless News.

John Drake stands up.

JOHN: Yes, if you were a duck what kind of duck would you be?

JACKSON: I would be a mallard.

CARTER (screams): I would be a dove 'cause they represent peace!

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-UNDER THE BLEACHERS-NIGHT

Eagle finally has the gun built and loaded. He aims and prepares to fire.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-REPORTER SEATING-NIGHT

Jane looks at Carter who flaps his wings like a bird. He returns behind the podium.

JANE: Next question, BARBARA MOORE of the Indianapolis Intern.

Barbara stands up. As she does a shot rings out and hits her in the back. She lets out a gasp of air and dies.

JANE: Okay, Barbara must not have a question then. BEN REYNOLDS of the Chicago Curmudgeon.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-UNDER THE BLEACHERS-NIGHT

We see through the scope of Eagle's rifle. He fires as BEN REYNOLDS stands up in front of the scope. BEN goes down with a bullet in his back.

EAGLE: Damn it.

SOUNDCARD: ONE HOUR LATER

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-UNDER THE BLEACHERS-NIGHT

We see Eagle reloading his gun. He has one bullet left.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-REPORTER SEATING-NIGHT

There are only two reporters remaining, Todd Loftis and John Drake. Everone else lays sprawled around the room, dead.

JANE: John Drake, do you have another question?

John stands up.

JOHN: Yes, is the grass always greener in the other guy's yard?

CARTER (screams): I have never smoked grass in my life! How dare you accuse me of that!

JACKSON: It depends on who lives next door to you.

JOHN: Oh, that's a zinger, I'm writing that one down.

John sits back down.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-UNDER THE BLEACHERS-NIGHT

We see Eagle get Carter in his sights.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-REPORTER SEATING-NIGHT

Jane throws all her comment cards away.

JANE: Well, I guess no one has any questions...

Todd stands up.

TODD: I have another...

A shot rings out and Todd falls down dead.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-UNDER THE BLEACHERS-NIGHT

We see Eagle get really pissed.

EAGLE: That was it! I blew it! No more bullets!

Eagle throws the rifle to the ground. A shot rings out and hits Eagle in the chest.

EAGLE: Huh, must of been one stuck in the chamber.

EAGLE falls over dead.

INT. TOWN HALL-AUDITORIUM-REPORTER SEATING-NIGHT

Jane rubs her head.

JANE: Well, John, did you at least get the story you wanted?

JOHN: You bet.

John writes something on his notepad. It says " Super Comfortable Chairs for Super Butts." John jumps up and runs out.

JACKSON: Are we done? I have an appointment with some oil interest.

CARTER (screams): I want to scream and whine some more!

JANE: Well, we thank you gentlemen, and we thank you, the viewers, for joining us. Join us for the next debate, which is being referred to as the Whore Debate. So if you're a hooker and have an important question please join us at the Lawndale Pavilion in Indianapolis, Indiana. Thank you and good night.

The End

I hope you enjoy it. This is just the first draft. Riley will come in and do the second draft. This might give you folks a look at our writing process.

4 Comments:

Blogger REC said...

Actually I was always fond of a scene you cut out from an earlier draft, the part where the president spots the assassin and begins calling on certain reporters to block the shots meant for him. All and all, this is very good, we may have to use it in weirdsville.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool myself. Funny! :)

1:37 PM  
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11:10 PM  
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4:58 AM  

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