The Vig is How Much?

We shot our first sketch for Weirdsville episode one last night (that would be August 6th, 2005 for all you history buffs). It was sketch one, jauntily titled "The Vig is How Much?" I have included the sketch here with pictures from the shoot. We weren't able to get very many pics because we were a small crew and had to cover all of the bases, so the pics were taken in between takes. We are planning to make this into a black and white film noir in post production, but, of course, if that doesn't work within the overall context of the episode then we will simply keep it in color.

THE VIG IS HOW MUCH

Jesse Handlon/Jeremy Lee Riley

CAST:

JOEY GAFF: Dar Parsons

FRANKIE CORSIA: Jeremy Lee Riley

DICKIE RAFT: Jesse Handlon

1 INT. APT.-NIGHT

A swarthy looking man (JOEY GAFF) paces restlessly around his apartment as he talks on the phone to his bookie.

JOEY: Look, just put every dime on Irvin. (pause) I don't care if he's 0-47. (pause) Well, how do you know the fight's been fixed? (pause) You fixed it? (pause) Well, I still think he's due, put five grand on him. (pause) You just worry about the bet, I'll worry about the money.



There is a knock at the door. JOEY sits down the phone and walks over to it.

JOEY: Who is it?

FRANKIE (O.S.): Just crack the lumber, we got Benjamin's to talk about.

JOEY: Huh?

DICKIE (O.S.): Open the door, we got business to discuss.

JOEY: Uh, what kind of business?

The door is kicked open and two thugs, FRANKIE CORSIA and DICKIE RAFT, enter.



JOEY: Hey now, you just can't go around kicking in people's doors.

FRANKIE: Cut the grapefruit before I mush it.

JOEY: What?

DICKIE: He means shut up or we'll hit you.

JOEY: Oh, well...huh?

FRANKIE: Hop up with the Grants and Franklins.



JOEY looks from FRANKIE to DICKIE.

DICKIE: Hand over the money you owe.

JOEY: Money? Oh, you mean the money I owe Boss Vernuci?

FRANKIE: That's right, roll the dough 'cause I'm ready for some cookies.

JOEY looks at DICKIE to translate.

DICKIE: Get the cash so we can leave.

JOEY: Ah, yeah, see, here's the problem. I've lost a considerable sum of money to another prominent mob figure, Sal the Saliva, and, well, I don't have enough to pay off both of you so I'm going double or nothing on the match tonight.

FRANKIE punches JOEY in the nose.

FRANKIE: I cracked his book.



DICKIE: He means he punched you in the...

JOEY (holding bloody nose): I got it, I got it! He broke my nose!

FRANKIE: The haymaker just made some hay.

Everyone just stares at each other for a minute. JOEY signals to DICKIE to translate.

DICKIE: Oh, he means his fist just struck blood.

JOEY: Well, you know what? There's no way I can pay your boss now, my nose is broken.

DICKIE: Wait a minute now...

FRANKIE: Let the monkey dance, see if we like his moves.

JOEY: Well, gentlemen, I would've been able to pay you after the bout tonight, but now I'll have to use that money to get my nose fixed, thank you so much.

FRANKIE: His dance ain't so good, maybe he needs a new grinder.

FRANKIE produces a baseball bat from his coat and smashes in JOEY'S kneecap. JOEY lets out a howl.



JOEY: Jeez, now you're not getting a dime out of me! I might've been able to float you some cash after my next paycheck, but now I'm going to have to miss work because of a broken leg, so I won't get paid! Good going, geniuses!

FRANKIE: This guy's a shark, he's got fins.

JOEY looks to DICKIE to translate.

DICKIE: He says you're a liar, you've got the money.

JOEY: Well, how dare you. I might be a thief and a compulsive gambler but one thing I'm not is a liar. Man, here we were having a pleasant conversation and you have to ruin it with your childish name calling.

FRANKIE (angry): Milk the honey, I'm gonna sting me a bee!

JOEY looks to DICKIE to translate.

DICKIE: I don't like to use such language.

FRANKIE: I'm a carpenter ready to drill me some holes.

JOEY: What's that...

FRANKIE whips out a gun and shoots JOEY.



JOEY: Ah! Now...you're never going to...get your...money...

JOEY falls over dead. FRANKIE grins.

FRANKIE: Give me the trophy, I just bowled a strike.

DICKIE: For crying out loud, Frankie, the boss told us to stop shooting people! I mean, at this rate we're never going to collect any cash! The boss's going to be cheesed!

FRANKIE: Eyeball the pad for any stray grass.

FRANKIE begins searching through the apartment. DICKIE sighs and shakes his head.

DICKIE: I hate you, Frankie.




The pictures are a lot lighter than the actual shoot (with the exception of the first pic, which didn't turn out very well), because the camera's flash lit the room up. We only had two lights to create the film noir look because we had misplaced our lighting equipment when we moved into our apartment. We will have to purchase more before the next shoot as well as a boom mike. Our cameraman, Brian McDonell, took the video home with him because he is also acting as our editor, which is hard on Jesse and myself because we didn't have time to download the video to our computer and watch it, so we don't even know how well it all turned out. If need be we will re-shoot the sketch at a later date with better equipment, but as it is I don't think we did too bad for our first time out of the gate.

Jeremy Lee Riley



I just wanted to give a quick word of thanks to all those who participated last night. It was a long hard shoot and we suffered through some hard moments but we got through it. The lighting wasn't that great and I feel I am the one who has to apologize for it. Our lighting equipment was nowhere to be found and we were forced to improvise. I think maybe putting the movie in black and white might save the look. I did the best I could and hopefully it looks good. I would also like to say how every one did a great job last night. Brian did a fine job as the cameraman. It was really hard for me and Jeremy to give that kind of freedom to someone else. I think Brian did a fine a job (I was over his shoulder all night making sure of it.)and he probably got sick of me constanly checking on his work. Also to Darren Parsons who did his best in playing Joey Gaff. I know you got sick of me constantly riding your ass, but hopefully when you see the footage you'll see it was worth it. Jeremy what can I say it's always a pleasure watching you work. You did another great job performing Frankie Corsia. You also did a fantastic job as co-director of this fine sketch. I hope you all enjoy the script and hopefully soon Riley and I can comment on the footage. I think we pulled it off for all the shortcomings we expierenced. Next week we should have the sketch Cannibal's Anonymous done, come by and check that out.

Jesse Handlon